“Don’t Worry…I’ll Wait”

I regret to inform you all that I may have been leading you on to believe things about me that are untrue. For no matter how much I try to make my post as generic as possible many of you who don’t know me may be believe I am either on or straddling a more experienced side of the fence. I also regret to tell you that I purposely wanted to keep the status of my sexual conduct ambiguous because I thought it would in fact make my post and sex advice less credible. However, I do not regret to tell you that yes…I too am a virgin. Yes you read right..naionlife is in fact a  Jonas Brother promise ring loving virgin *waits for laughs*. 

I have heard every virgin joke in the book from “It must be desert down there” to gasp and questions like “how do you live??” But one question for me will never get old, “why wait?” Any one who knows me knows that I rarely share any information about myself, mainly because I’m always the “asker” and not the “asked”. But I feel like us 20 something year old virgins need a voice and if my future career as a sex therapist is questioned based on my lack of experience than so be it. 

I have found myself in many situations where men have tried to understand or think they knew me based on my sexual decision. I will never forget “Christian” (I can’t use his real name), he was…soo cute! He was a 6′ 2, sugar cookie with long braids from Brooklyn. Christian caught me at a very difficult time, I had just broke up with my ex and I was soo not interested in boys at the time but he was cute..so I couldn’t pass it up. Our first conversation started with me saying ” I’m going to let you know in advance, I’m not having sex with you, so if that’s what you’re looking for, go further”, Yup right after, “So what part of Brooklyn are you from?”, I was rude I know. However, he was much ruder! After asking me if I only have sex with guys I’m with, he got his “nigga wake up call” I told him I was virgin and I minds well had told him I had a penis because he flipped out, “Virgins are like dinosaurs and Santa Clause, they don’t exist”. I chuckled, thinking he was just shocked as most guys are to hear that a 19-year-old  (at the time) was still a virgin. I assured him I was serious, and that’s when it got ugly. He seemed infuriated that I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex and even more infuriated that he could not convince me otherwise.After several very personal questions… I assured him, I did nothing. I did not give oral sex, hand jobs, nothing! He couldn’t handle it. He said such rude things like “are you trying to be the only girl in Brooklyn who’s not F***** ? and ” what if your husband was cheating on you the whole time before you were married?” I said very calmly that would suck, but I would have kept my vow to myself and God and that’s all that matters. He couldn’t believe it and we stopped talking.

Virginity is a topic of discussion that gets people very finicky. People who’ve had sex, have nothing to say about it, like they are immune to the conversation and virgins don’t even want to talk about it. Guys seem to be very bi-polar to the issue. They seem to want a virgin wife but a sexually active girlfriend, and I wonder how they plan to get to the former without the latter?  I’ve also met men who LOVE the IDEA of you being a virgin because they think you’ve been waiting for them (-_-). Oh and my favorite the guy who loves that your virgin until he figures out..”Oh wait you’re not having sex with me either? ” It’s insane! 

Being a virgin is just like being a meatarian, It’s a personal choice, you have to commit to it. Whether you’re waiting for the right person, waiting until marriage or just have no interest in sex right now that’s fine! I don’t believe there is an age limit on when someone should lose their virginity, it is your own choice. I was 14, at the peak of adolescence when I decided that I just want to wait until marriage and my reasoning then was because God said so, but the more people challenged my thinking the more thinking I did about it and started building a great argument. Even when I had friends tell me, you think a man is going to wait for you? or how long is he supposed to wait? And I gasp to them, like why is HIS sexual appetite more important than my personal beliefs, and is it only a challenge for him and not me?? 

I understand that my thinking just like many other virgins may be in short, “old-fashioned” but it is not by any means naive. In cultures all over the world waiting til marriage is expected so why is it so taboo here?! Virginity is a sacred thing in many places but here it seems like something yo need to hurry up and give away before your friends find out you still have it. 

I digress, in saying that everyone makes the decision to either keep or give away their virginity whenever they are ready. As for “Christian” my elaborate response on why I was waiting went something like this… ” My waiting is a personal choice I made to myself under God. I feel that sex is a spiritual union between two people who want to in some way, despite how impossible it may be to physically express the emotional bond they created with their partner. My husband or whatever man I deem worthy to receive my virginity will know that he is the only one that has connected with me in such a way, and he will be the perfect fit for me. The way my body will curve to him is a testament to how God matched us, and he will be honored and give me all of him emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Once we are connected, experience will become just as meaningless as the time I spent waiting for him because I can guarantee without a doubt…after 21 years of sexual frustration…it will be good 🙂  

but until then…I’ll wait ❤

*BTW Adriana Lima stayed a virgin until marriage…and that was until 4 years ago* 

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4 Comments

  1. My Nai..my love..this is beautifully written & after wiping away some of my tears. I must tell you, that you have spoken the many thoughts that have been floating around in my brain. Your intelligence, your ambition and your words of wisdom that you pour into your blog should not depend on your sexual status. I firmly believe that soon enough, you will be the best damn sex therapist!! As for me, a 22 year old virgin, sometimes it’s not even the reactions from guys that shock me anymore but from other females. A friend once told me ‘you’re supposed to test drive a car before you buy it’ i brushed it off at first but then after some thinking about it, i am not a car. But a female who knows that one day, God will please me with a guy, who you described so perfectly. ‘he will be honored and give me all of him emotionally, spiritually, and physically’ i appreciate this post more than you know. I love you & like I told you before…keep making your mark and in such a beautiful way..one post at a time! 🙂

  2. I am in LOVE with all of this! Some of the best advice comes from those with the least experience in the subject! Because it is non bias and just truth, opinions and facts. The vulnerability in this post with the f yall this is me and my life and who cares what you think attitude! Do not fret sex is great and wonderful but can bring confusion pain and scared situations, we hae degraded the beauty in it but it is people like you that keep it alive!

  3. I freaking love this post! It’s good to know that I’m not alone in my beliefs about sex. I made the same vow to myself and God to wait until I am married (or at least deeply in love). I find it frustrating when guys think they will be the one to change all that. How silly of them to think that I would choose their desires over His.

    Plus I remember seeing a poster in the nurses office in high school the one where it shows that even if you’ve slept with one person you’ve also slept with everyone who they have and so on…that alone was enough to keep my legs crossed lol

    Whoever these lucky men of the future may be, I’m sure they won’t question or complain when all is said and done! 🙂

  4. Wow,I’m surprise but not surprise. For u it not a bad thing at all. That is not going to stop u from becoming the best sex therapist at all,matter of fact it might make u a better one. In my situation, it was the best move cuz it brung me peace. As to the matter of guys not wanting to b the 1st unless he want wifey,it due the fact women has made a holy value on losing their virginity. I’m have no issue with the place value; n I was the same wen I was pure. The thing women have to understand since this holy value is place there is extra sensitive that expressed in behavior which that creates the super clinginess (needing more attention than average) which men don’t want/wouldn’t like to deal with beyound wat is fair/requied. N it proctects us from being a jerk/u hating the guy.

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