Finding “the one” is slowly becoming a dying dream among society, well at least the American Society. I hear it all too often, marriage doesn’t last anymore, I couldn’t imagine being with the same person for the rest of my life, the one doesn’t exist, etc; These statements are very deterring and down right upsetting to what my bff coined as a hopeful romantic, like myself. I mean, is it true? Is there really somebody for everybody and if so how do you know they are the “end all be all” of your dating life? I pondered and rather quickly satisfied myself with an answer that I believe to be true.
However, I am not the type of person to think my opinions are the only valid ones, so I asked around. One of my guy friends, who I call Arab said, “you know you’ve found the one when she annoys and nurtures you like your mother would. When she begins to really treat you like you are a part of her and vice versa”. He explained, when you have the opportunity to do something a single person would like take a number or sleep with someone else, if you think about how this will affect her emotionally and refrain from it, then you’ve found the one. I thought it was pretty profound, but yet I felt there had to be more. I mean most people in a committed relationship think about and refrain from actions that their partner would disprove of, and yet some of those relationships still fail.
Another friend, explained that her ex boyfriend used to say, “you know you’ve found the one when you go to sleep to dream about them and wake up just to see them.” Beautiful! Just beautiful but it can’t just be that either. I mean typically within the first 6 months to a year in a new relationship, hormones and emotions are running high. Your body is in adrenaline mode. That is why you can stay up all night talking to your boo and wake up like you had a full 8 hours. Your body is running on endorphins, dopamine, a little oxytocin, all the things that attribute to that infatuated feeling. So in this time all you want to do is see them, feel them, smell them, hold them, read TheLove&SexIssue with them, I mean its beautiful chaos.
After a conversation with my brother I expelled my truth on how I will know when I’ll know I’ve found the one. It is more than how they look, more than how I feel when I’m with them, more than how I feel when they say I love you, it even goes further than how they treat me. It actually has more to do with me than them anyway. I mean of course their actions will help me come to this conclusion but it is really all about me.
I will know they are the one for me when my heart and mind agree.
If you know anything about life then you know just how difficult it is to have this happen. Usually, well I’m lying almost always, we are at war with ourselves. Our heart says one thing, the mind says another. Freud would say it is the battle between your ID and EGO but he also hated people, so who are you going to believe???!! Anyways, I am a testament to this, following one or the other will always have you sacrificing something. You choose your mind you sacrifice spontaneity and adventure, you choose your heart and you sacrifice well.everything. One time my head told me it was wrong but my heart convinced me it was right…someone won just not me. Another time I was talking to a great guy but my heart just wasn’t in it, so I say again…if my mind and heart don’t agree, you are not the one for me.
At this juncture in our lives, we are in the process of just meeting and mingling with people. Some people mesh well with us and some don’t but one day if a true bond is what you seek for from your dating life then it will come to you when you are ready. Until then just have fun! Whether you believe it or not, I believe we all have an innate instinct about the people who come into our lives, and if we start really listening to our minds and hearts they will give us insight that can’t be bought. But there are those not so rare occasions when your mind and heart will converse and tell you nothing; when that happens “the one” will even be a surprise to you 🙂