Can we really play pretend without any legal word binding agreement that states, “we’re together” ? I mean on one hand I can see it, being with someone, going with the flow and just enjoying their company, it’s great. Sometimes titles seem to put a lot of pressure on people, and make them feel like they are now obligated to their partner. Now suddenly, from a verbal agreement, you HAVE to call them back, pass up cuties on the street, AND dare try to keep them happy, secure, appreciated etc; It’s a lot of work and really who wants to deal with all that stress when you guys could just have great mediocre conversation without getting too deep because you yet trust them with information that makes you vulnerable, try every trick in the book to ensure mind-blowing sex because you have yet to spiritually connect to their souls to have a “Triple Lutz Orgasm”, and more importantly not be concerned with what or who they’re doing.
Yes sometimes we need that, a “no strings attached” type of affair but what happens when things stop being polite and start getting real? I tell you what happens, people start getting frustrated. Truth is everything has a name! EVERYTHING! Therefore it is human nature for us to also label our interactions. A hat has many names, a fedora, a baseball cap, a snap back but at the end of the day, if you’re wearing it on your head, it’s a hat. We do the same with our interactions. We call them flings, one night stands, dates, ex’s, boyfriends, girlfriends to make it less confusing. Have you ever realized how frustrated you get when you can’t remember the name of something? You confuse the people you’re describing it to, you confuse yourself because you start calling it what it resembles instead of what it is and after a while because you can’t name it, you abandon it altogether. Our romantic interactions are the same way.
I’m not saying that a “friends with benefits” situation can’t work because for two people who are totally interested in going further it works fine but sometimes it doesn’t work as smoothly as that. There can be some serious complications from trying to make things less complicated. So in order to steer clear from that, ladies, never agree to be with a man who clearly says he’s not looking for a relationship knowing dog on well you want a relationship! If he says he wants something more serious, less serious, or he just wants to “chill” and “see where it goes”, don’t be afraid to keep it real, this is your life too!
I usually hold my opinion off to the sweet and bitter end but I can’t hold it in any longer. If you haven’t noticed in my sarcasm from the beginning, I don’t like relationships with no title, frankly I avoid them at all cost. Now I can’t lie, at one point after I had resolved all my issues from a previous relationship, all I wanted was something, less complicated. I didn’t want to be in love, have my feelings played with while in the hands of another child like myself, not have to worry about breaking someone’s heart, getting on someone’s nerve, worrying about being the perfect girlfriend, or be anything other than myself. After hearing a friend talk about how cool those”friends with benefits” situations are not that made me realize why I wanted one. I was running from potentially falling in love again when really I had love all wrong.
When you find love with the RIGHT one, it wouldn’t be that way. Yes, some pain is inevitable but at the deepest level I would be safe, secure, and happy, with someone who did it effortlessly. I wouldn’t have to be anything more than myself because being myself to that person would mean being the best girlfriend in the world. I wasn’t afraid of the title but the obligations. After I was snapped back into reality I realized, wait, being in a relationship with no title, means my partner can do whatsoever they please and “keep me happy” on the most infantile level because I SHOULDN”T have any expectations anyway because we aren’t really together. I would constantly have to hear that one line that every girl hates from the core of her soul, “You CAN’T get mad because you no my girl”. Funny thing about me is, I’ve been that girl to abide by such a rule. I can get mad and I will get mad but to be fair how about we just call this thing what it is.
I digress into saying that, calling what you two people have a relationship shouldn’t stir up such anxiety unless it’s because you’re excited. Dare to create your own norms for your partnership. I think that word gives people such anxiety because they think their relationship has to follow what society says a relationship has to be, when really, all it has to be is healthy. Look at “swingers” for example, they still get married and call themselves such but they make their own rules. They didn’t say, No I don’t want to be married because in marriage I can’t see other people. They said, yes I love you, let’s get married and see other people together!
Now don’t go trying to put a title on something that just started but definitely consider your romantic expectations before abandoning them to please someone else. Love you first and I promise everything else will fall into place.
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