“So Basically…. We’re All Gay”

She was taller than me, brown skin, with medium length braids. As I stood listening to my Ipod her and her friends insisted on talking to us trying to “bag” one of my home girls. She starts a conversation with me because I am smiling and laughing at how taken back my friends are. She starts asking about if my friends and I have ever had any “girl on girl” action but the future sex therapist I was then, probed into her sexuality. I said, “Why are you gay?, You’re a pretty girl, you can get a man” (I want to kill myself for some of the things I used to say but I was young).  She said, that didn’t work out, pointing to the guy’s name tattooed on her wrist. From the look in her eyes, it was a tragic love story. I wanted to probe, but it wasn’t the time to play therapist nor did she seem like she was interested in talking about it anymore. A woman in man’s clothing, who was engaged to a man previously, she had quickly explained. Was she gay? Was she bi? or was she just hurt?

The recent “trend” of bisexuality has taken a lot of people by surprise. All of a sudden everywhere people are claiming to be bisexual and honestly it’s getting everyone a bit suspicious. By definition, bisexuality is the sexual and romantic attraction to both women and men. Different from Pansexuality, yes Pansexuality, in that they are exclusive to both genders but are not gender blind (like pansexuals). During my training as a volunteer sex educator, we dedicated a full 3 hour class to Sexuality. My instructor talked about several issues like how to talk to children having sexual identity issues and how we should view sexuality. She explained something called the “Alfred Kinsey Scale” which was a scale created to rate one’s level of hetero or homosexuality.

Alfred Kinsey was a Psychologist who interviewed tons and tons of people only to find out if there was actually such a thing as absolute orientation. His findings were astonishing! Based on the thoughts, feelings and behaviors the participants disclosed about their sexual and romantic history, Kinsey was able to conclude that majority of the population was not exclusively hetero or homosexual. Most people easily fell into the middle ground which is what we consider today as bisexuality.  Not many were categorized as completely hetero or homosexual. This study was done in the…..wait for it…… 1940’s -1950’s! So what do you think it would be today?

Now that bisexuality has become a new and increasing trend it seems that openly bisexual people are receiving a lot of backlash. In this day and age you are ostracized if you are either indecisive or indifferent. We are obligated to choose and choosing both is worst than not choosing at all. In our generation you must have loyalty to one or the other. I tweeted a few weeks ago ” You can like vanilla and Chocolate, chicken and beef, but not girls and boys? ” . It stirred some controversy but it was valid question. Trust me, I know there are a lot of posers on #TeamBisexual. They partake in bisexual behavior but they are not bisexual in orientation (there is a difference). Most posers are saying that just to get more attention, young guys love the idea of a bisexual girls, what used to run them away from you, now runs them into you. Even I used to tell guys, I have a girlfriend just so all hope would die within them, until they would respond with,”Is she cute?” * walks away*.  Point is you can not punish and label an entire orientation for the bad seeds it has produced. So let’s crush a few myths shall we?

“Bisexuals are confused”

It is true, that many people consider themselves bisexual when they are trying to figure out exactly what they are, which is only fair. For instance, if you are a man who has been involved with women your whole life and one night you kiss a guy and can’t stop thinking about him, this may cause some anxiety. People are only confused when they have to choose, but most bisexual people have decided they don’t have to choose. They just like both. Period.

“Bisexuals are Greedy”

Greed is act of selfishness, in that you want things just so no one else can have it. I have never met a bisexual person say, I’m bisexual because I don’t want any of these men to have women. Greed is when you acquire just for the sake of acquiring. It has nothing to do with being bisexual.

“Bisexuals are cheaters”

I wonder where people get this from. oh yeah, all of the straight people who act out bisexual behavior, like girls who kiss girls when they’re drunk while they’re boyfriend is watching, or saying things like “that’s my husband and this is my wife”. All things that imply being in a relationship with a bisexual person is polyandrous. I know a few bisexuals and they are not like that at all. They are exclusive with either sex. “Just because you like both genders, does not mean you have a free pass on cheating,” says a dear friend of mine. Bisexual people who choose to do that are representing cheaters not bisexuals because that is not something all bisexuals do, it’s something cheaters do.

I digress, into saying that if Alfred Kinsey is correct, then none of us are really straight, at least always exhibit heterosexual behaviors.  Most of us have bisexual tendencies, which is NORMAL! The team you should really be on is #TeamILiveMyLifeAndLetOthersLIveTheirs. Our society allows too often for labels to be used in a negative light. I’m sure the goal of Alfred Kinsey was not to offend but to expel the truth behind sexuality in general. We continue to ostracize each other, the hetero’s ostracize the gays,  the gays ostracize bisexuals, the bisexuals ostracize pansexuals and it keeps going. Alfred Kinsey, shut everyone up when he proved that….

Basically, we’re all gay.

For more information on the Alfred Kinsey Scale, check out the link below.




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