As we near the closing of 2011 and as this post is way overdue (I apologize). I feel like this is a topic that we all need to talk about before 2012. A good friend posed this question some time ago, “Is loving someone too much unhealthy”? I thought about this for a while and asked a lot of different people, my sister was one of them. She talked about how loving someone too much is not only possible but it essentially prepares your relationship’s demise. “When you love someone too much, you start to lose yourself and giving too much of yourself to that person is unhealthy”. I agreed that giving too much of yourself is unhealthy but not sure if loving someone too much is even possible. I mean…isn’t love supposed to be great? And according to Oprah it doesn’t hurt, so how is it possible to love someone too much? With that, how do you know if you’re loving someone too much?
Too much implies that you have something in excess, that is to say that there is an extra amount of something you don’t need. Now, when you have more than you need or want, it becomes a burden. So when you “love someone too much” it means that you have now entered into a negative space with that person because they are essentially giving you something you don’t want. So this in its entirety would support the fact that the phrase “too much” in itself is negative and unhealthy. However, when you throw in the complex and immaculate phenomenon like love into this sentence, it complicates the question.
Love is not something that has a capacity or range. You will never get a notification on Facebook, a DM on twitter nor a text message telling you that you have reached your love usage level for the month. It does not happen. People blame love for things it is not responsible for, thus making us believe that it’s even possible to love someone too much. A Parent who puts a tracking device on their child’s phone to know where they are at all times is not “loving too much”, they are flat-out overprotective, A man who is jealous of all his partner’s male/female friends is not “loving too much” he is insecure. A woman who continues to take back a lover who emotionally batters her feelings does not “love that person too much”, she just doesn’t love herself enough (which translates into having a self-esteem).
Love is the scapegoat for a lot of adverse actions people exhibit in their relationships. I used to think the same thing, and had this cognitive script in my head about my past relationship. “I love you too much, that’s the problem”, “I love you more than I love me”, “I would do anything for you”. <—-All of that is unhealthy! You should NEVER…and I mean NEVER feel like you love someone else more than you love you because as my sister said you will in fact lose yourself. Saying things like that imply that you come last, which should never be the case. Start listening to yourself and the things you say because if it sounds anything like what I used to say to myself, That is when loving someone becomes unhealthy, period. When you love someone the RIGHT way there is no way to love them too much. Even if that person leaves, if you loved them the right way, you won’t feel like you’ve lost everything….just them.
In 2012, I expect everyone to not necessarily love others less, just love yourself more!