Something that has been plaguing me for a while in my personal life, in my long battle to affliction freedom, is all the emotions I’ve had to deal with even when the communication with that person stopped. After reviewing all the responses I got from today’s QOD on twitter about 20 somethings being in love, One of my followers had me thinking of love as something you earn or deserve.I mean in our past lives did we do something so terrible that in this life we have to experience heartbreak? or Did we love someone so beautifully that it met us in this one? or Is love something that simply doesn’t know past or present faults and desires? I started thinking how is it that people who didn’t know how to love you can love someone else? More specifically, why is it that people who hurt you are allowed to move on and be in love again, while you’re stuck picking up the pieces? Is that fair? Is it right? or Is it just life?
These are questions I still end up trying to answer myself about my past affliction. Here I am living a single care free life which I am happy with 99.8% of the time, and there you go off in bliss with someone new. Not that being in a relationship automatically means happy, nor does being in love. I know plenty of basically married people who are not happy, and single people who are, and vice versa, but the lonely us as people sometime feel, masks itself as sadness, which makes us a think, having someone else would automatically make us happy (which is not true). The point is, knowing that the person I loved so deeply, broke my heart, and gets to be in love again is a bit disheartening. The script said it best, “She’s got his heart and my heart and none of the pain” (Change or leave sex accordingly).
How ridiculous it is, that you gave your all, and someone just didn’t want it anymore. Iyanla Vanzant said after she realized her husband, who had left her simply “changed his mind”, she was more at peace. Personally, that would not have been good enough for me. You do not simply change your mind, in relationships. You either fall out of love or the relationship falls out of convenience. I have a difficult time accepting that anyone could just change their mind about being with someone, love doesn’t allow you just pick up and go like that.
At any rate, the more time progresses, the less I even care. Even though there is no way I would know if my ex is still happy and in love, or near homicide, (I stopped twitter stalking MONTHS ago…don’t judge me…like you’ve never done it -_^ ), I still get those stray thoughts of how happy my ex could be with the new girl. It both soothes and haunts me to think that love is just one of those things that don’t know right, wrong, accused, karma, or anything. It just happens and frankly, it just hasn’t happened for me yet.
One day I started thinking of my ex and got into one of those “why do they get to be happy, in love and not me?”, and this conversation happened in my head, “Nai, are you happy?”, I respond by saying, “Happier than I’ve ever been”, “so you win”, My response, “yeah, I guess I do”. Finding pure happiness is not without strife, but that’s the beauty of life.
I know this post was completely random, but the more I write, the more I want to share myself with you guys, I hope you don’t mind, and frankly even if you did, you could just not read my blog. My experiences, my feelings, and everything in between may be a lot of things but invalid is not one of them. I tell MY truth, no one else’s.
For anyone who’s ever been in this situation, ask yourself, those same questions; but if you’re genuinely not happy…call me for a “pick me up session” ! 🙂
TheLove&SexIssue…Like Degrassi…It Goes There.