I don’t know one woman who hasn’t been in the midst of a conversation that didn’t ask her to represent the rest of our sex with questions like, “why do women run away from a good guy?”, “Why do they treat the good guys bad?” , “Why do women think all men are the same?”. All of which, lead to the Godfather of all questions in reference to women in relationships, “Why are women skeptical of good men?” The truth is people in general are always skeptical of the intentions of a potential romantic partner. Their skepticism is based on their experiences or the experiences of those around them and the teachings or moral foundation that was laid during their upbringing. Despite the fact that ALL human beings can be found guilty of this, it seems that women are the guiltier party in question. It’s no secret that women are wary of new romantic experiences, in my opinion, it’s due to the stories and teachings of a man’s true agenda.
Since I was a little girl, I had other people’s preconceived notions and personal experiences of men drilled into my head. Let’s play a game (Diddy voice), Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard things like “men only want girls like this (opposite of you/sexually provocative)”, “boys only want one thing”, or “don’t let boys pressure you into having sex”, “boys only tell you they love you, to have sex with you”, or “All men are the same”. I heard this frequently but I kept a positive outlook on men because frankly I did not believe all of them were the same. However it wasn’t until recently that I had become absolutely discouraged by things I had heard and witnessed from other young men. It is one thing to hear ” men are terrible” from other women, it’s completely earth shattering to get those same descriptions from other men.
I mean as a female, to hear men close to you, flat-out say, “all men cheat” or “all men are dogs” is disheartening. I started thinking, “Gosh, is this true?”. Is my future husband going to be the exception or the rule? I mean I can tune out other women but for men to say this about their own species (yes, species) was frightening. Constantly hearing things like that, then for those things to be reinforced by experience is usually proof enough that this idea of men being “worthless” isn’t just a theory.
When you have seen more bad than good in terms of heterosexual relationships with men, it’s much easier to think the worst, than to think the best. Once the time comes when a man is treating you how you deserve, you get skeptical because it’s like wait? out of all the terrible men in the world, I get a good one? You don’t lie, cheat or steal? When you say you’ll call me back you mean it? You don’t discuss our personal endeavors with your comrades? You don’t mind my stretch marks, lazy eye, loud mouth, crocked tooth, acne prone skin, temperamental attitude (choose the flaw that suites you best), you actually like me…for me?
It’s a hard concept to grasp when you have been conditioned by society to think that men can only love in superficial constraints. And then of course, it could be that like all human beings, we have a difficult time accepting what we feel or don’t know, we deserve.
Whether it’s the former or the latter, I can definitely sympathize with men, when they ask this question. For some reason us women, fight love so hard. When you are receiving pure love with no constraints, conditions or confinements then you know it’s real. If you have someone in your life treating you well, being there for you, and doing all the things you want a partner to do, why reject that?. Do not reject pure love that comes your way, if it’s not pure don’t trust it, if it is, accept it and give it back. Period. Despite what I’ve heard, seen and dealt with, I know for a fact all men are not the same, because I know all women aren’t. Some are great and some need more grooming than others but living a life that makes you assume all of your romantic interactions are insincere is a terrible one indeed. One I’m not willing to lead. I’m not saying be blind to bull****, but I am saying let real LOVE in, and let the rest take care of itself. Let’s not make life more complex than it already is not.
Thanks for reading !
Happy 1st Birthday to TheLove&SexIssue 4/25/2012 !