If you were to ask anyone, “Do you believe you’re worthy of love?”, almost everyone without hesitation would answer, “yes (while looking at you with the, that was a dumb question face)”, but I guarantee with a little more probing you’d end up in a Oprah Life-class session with a lot of hugging and hand holding. Whether we are willing to admit it or not we all ask ourselves this question. Some of us are less vocal about it thus internalizing it into a combination of insecurities (raises hand), while others project it on to the people they’ve had intimate experiences with.
If you don’t know what that sounds like, here’s a clue, ” I don’t need love”, ” F*** these hoes”, ” N****** ain’t sh**”, oh ! oh ! BUT! my absolute favorite isn’t even a phrase but a type of person, the one who is so mentally and emotionally damaged that despite the fact they had/have love staring them right in the face they say things like “No one loves me”, “No one was ever true to me”, “I want to know what real love is”..blah! blah! blah! I think to myself, it’s not them…it’s you! In a very non-judgmental type of way of course. All these statements are projections of our feelings of unworthiness inside, because of whatever went wrong in our past relationships. An unfortunate by-product of unhealed heartbreak, it happens to us all!
After much deliberation about this issue, I have come to the immediate reality that love is THE simplest human phenom, since sliced bread. It is there, it is present and lives in us no matter what the circumstance. Despite how much someone we love hurts us, whether we decide to leave or stay, that love still resides in us. When our hearts are broken it is because our love has been rejected by the person we chose to give it to, but that doesn’t mean the love is gone. The person rejected it, okay fine, so now you have love to give to someone else, ANYONE else, including you! In fact, maybe the reason why things didn’t work out is because you didn’t give yourself the love first, which makes having a successful relationship almost impossible (But that’s a blog post for another day coming soon 🙂 ).
Whether you believe it or not the question, “Could you be loved?” is answered with hesitation by many people who decide to keep it real with themselves. I know I’ve hesitated. Sometimes, I think well, maybe I’m too “thicke” to be loved, maybe I’m too spiritual or hippie-esque I mean, the list could be endless, if I let myself declare war on my self esteem…but then I refer back to ALL the things I know that make me great, and I conclude, for lack of better words, I’m awesome. I deserve to be loved by nothing less than a specimen described as immaculate. I have to remind myself in a society that measures worthiness by your level of attractiveness, that as long as I am willing to love myself and others, I deserve to be loved. I have to remind myself…I am worthy.
Everyone, anyone, everywhere, should be loved but anyone who doesn’t truly believe they should be loved, can’t be loved until they first love themselves. People who feel like they don’t deserve love end up hurting the people who genuinely do love them…and so the vicious cycle begins. Think about how much more love can get around if we first do the duty of loving ourselves, because love of self is a prerequisite to loving others. So Bob and I are waiting for your answer…..could you…be loved?