How To Love Yourself: The Short Version


It starts with caring enough about how you feel to make changes in your relationships, circumstances, and ways of thinking to release the fear you have of your best self.

There is no one way to show yourself love and we often think that showing ourselves love will transmit as if we lack love of others. The truth is when we are able to love ourselves we gain more empathy for the struggles of others, show more compassion and dare I say it love for other people.

I have clients who come to me day by day practically begging me to tell them how they can get out of these toxic relationships.  Therapist rule of thumb, we don’t give advice unless it’s practical like you need to get your insurance active before you return for your next session or just stop drinking so you can complete this damn drug program and finish your DWI hours.

What I often want to flat out say is, nothing is going to change until you care enough to change it. You like this toxic relationship because otherwise being the very smart, very indignant and insightful person you are, you would have left. And then they say but I love them…and then I say yes, even more than you love you. And they go…”wow.” And I’m like no wow! Get the hell out of there!

The point I’m trying to simply make is this. No real change happens until you believe you deserve what you want. Loving yourself is not just the act of putting yourself first but also not letting your flaws control you. Your boobs sag, so what? You have a small butt, so what? You have cellulite, so what? Which one of these things can actually stop you from being your best self? Your best self is not about being perfect, it’s about knowing you aren’t perfect and saying, SO WHAT?! (Unless of course it’s making you worst like a bad attitude then change that, no one likes that).  Take me for instance, I am a thick some would say “plus sized” or even “fat” young woman but what the hell does that have to do with my writing, compassion, and counseling ability?! My weight won’t stop me from being anything unless I want it to.

So let’s keep it simple, if loving yourself is about caring/addressing how you feel in a healthy way and letting go the fear you have being the boss a** version of yourself.…how will you start loving yourself today?


Comment! Tweet me! And Tag me on IG. How are you loving yourself today?


Photo Credit: Google Images via Pinterest (Not taken by Naionlife).


3 thoughts on “How To Love Yourself: The Short Version

  1. Beautiful Nai, thank you for this. Self-love is something everyone can be better at, including myself. As a therapist, and just beautiful person, do you have any practical tools to use that can support self-love? I really appreciate your thoughts, writings and spirit, keep the good stuff coming!

    1. Hey Girly! Here is one, list 10 things that help you to relieve stress/make you feel pretty/fulfilled/at peace. Try incorporating at least three of those practices each day or even turn them into “self care” goals or things on your to-do list to create a habit of self-love activities/feelings. Try it for at least a week and let me know how it goes!

  2. Nai! Thank you for this article. This reminds me of the fact that we have control over who we choose to engage in relationships with. Practicing self acceptance and self appreciation are the keys to happiness with self as well as in a relationship. I like to practice self love by 1) running a bath with oils and salts 2) cooking myself a healthy meal 3) doing my hair and nails 3) smelling nice scents 4) RELAXING 🙂

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